Lynn's Journal

10:14pm: Just watched sleeping beauty
I loved it, despite the cheesey fast paste love story. You are never too old for a disney movie. It's so magical and nostalgic.

7:57pm: Need for approval
Why do I need people to approve of how I look? 

Why do I need to be pretty to be happy?  I feel like that whenever I am treated poorly, even though it'll only end up for admiration that is shallow and empty.

I have the choice to let myself go and be myself,

yet I am not strong enough to ignore outside situations. 

12:25pm: I am so pissed right now
I thought I did so well on the Chemistry exam, like 100%, but it turns out that I got a much lower mark than I expected.  An 82%.  I looked over my exam and the answer keys and it turns out I've made calculations error in that I did the calculations right but wrote down the wrong digit, and misread the directions and calculated an answer for Celcius instead of Farenheight.  I missed 19pts based on stupid mistakes.  I am sooo upset.  I was so anxious during the exam that I've overlooked things.  I studied so hard until I knew everything back to back and did good on the review sheet.....and this is what I end up with.

11:49am: Unproductive indulgency

Which Final Fantasy Gal Are You? Your Result: You are Princess Garnet Til Alexandros 17th FF9   is the heroine of Final Fantasy IX. Garnet is the Princess of Alexandria -- one of three major nations located on Gaia's Mist Continent. She is the only heir to the royal throne. A beautiful young woman, Garnet is well spoken and highly educated, but also possessed of a strong will and a stubborn streak. However, due to her sheltered upbringing she is also shy and quite naive. In battle, she can cast white magic and summon eidolons. You have the spirit of travelling and you like it but you don't have the freedom that's why there is a Zidane Tribal always near you
You are Eiko Carol FF9
You are Tifa Lockhart FF7
You are Aeris Gainborough FF7
You are Rinoa Heartilly FF8
You are Selphie Tilmitt FF8
You Are Yuna of FFX
You are Rikku FFX
Which Final Fantasy Gal Are You? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Cool!  I love Dagger!  Heh.  The fact that Eiko is the 2nd most highly matched is quite bizarre.

11:32pm: Crisis Core mood
I just bought SOLDIER key chain for 19.99 plus 5 dollar shipping so this better be worth it....nah it's worth it. I can't wait for it to arrive in the mail. Would be so cool. =D I hope it arrives in like, 2 days...argh lol I'm so impatient. x_x

8:57pm: Feeling stupid really brings my spirit down
Every time I open my mouth in class I feel like I just said something stupid.  Particularly in Statistics class the teacher keeps picking on me and I'm nervous, and I can't think straight.  Then I get some snickers or laughs.  Ugh.  I feel stupid.  I mean I know I get good grades but I can't help feeling stupid and my spirit has just lowered.

8:58pm: What the . . .
am I gaining like a pound each day?  That is faster than what I'd expected.  I am consuming around 2,000 calories a day.  My dad is telling me if I eat too much all of a sudden, it's not normal.  He says I'm fine and I shouldn't try to get fat because I'll be really fat by the time I get old.  >.>

Oh man I wasn't being very productive today, now I'll have to spend all the rest of tomorrow studying.

11:24am: writing a personal narrative
I have to write a 4 page paper about a time when I faced a moral dilemma.  It has to be a right versus right situation and I can't think of any, except for should I tell someone the truth or lie in order to save their feelings.  Maybe I'm underexposed.

I also have to study for upcoming midterm for Statistics.

10:46pm: Time to gain some weight
After all this time of thinking I want to gain weight, I'm 5'2" and only weigh 95lbs, and never really setting a realistic goal for myself in order to reach it, I have finally decided from now on that I will sit down and write up the goals and commit myself to it.  I just came across an awesome site, Calorie Count Plus, which actually helps you keep track of the amount of calories you consume per day and the amount you need.  I'm sick of being called skinny.

My Statistic professor is really scary.  He's strict and he likes to keep on picking on everyone to answer the questions.  I like the fact that he actually cares about us learning, but oh the humiliation.  I actually have trouble following along in lectures so then when he asks I can't think straight and then it makes me look stupid. So it actually doesn't help me. >.<

11:15pm: Dean's List
I made it into the Dean's List woohoo!!!  I just got a congratulations letter from the dean and it made me so happy!  I have been anticipating this.  But just seeing it makes me feel satisfied and filled with even more pleasure as I see the letter of congratulations.  I hope to see my name in the Dean's List stuck to the wall in campus and in the newspaper.  Hah, prove to the people that I'm not dumb after all. =P

Now I must keep up with my grades for this quarter which has just started.  Statistics is a bit intimidating right now but I will work hard.  My goal is to ask questions whenever I don't get something.  For Math, the professor is very hard to understand with his heavy accent so now I may have to learn by the book and get outside help.  I don't have much of a choice.  For English, still too early to tell.  So far it doesn't seem so bad.

2:17pm: Winter break is over, now . .
I am taking Math course and the professor turns out to be a foreigner with a very strong accent and I cannot hear or understand a word he is saying.

8:13pm: Future career...
I've been considering about becoming a Pharmacist.  I would love to help provide medicines for the better of others.  Plus, you make good money.  I'm just scared about rather I would make it or not once I get into the College of Pharmacy.  I have to be in college for 4 years w/ a B.A. and then spend another 4 years in college to get a PH.D.  So that would be 8 years until I graduate!  Question is, will I be able to graduate with the degree and pay back all the loans and not waste time?  THAT's what I'm afraid of.  I don't have much of a choice since that's the only good college close enough to home, whereas some other college only requires 6 years of education. 

I don't understand why a bachelor's degree for any major is required even if I have taken all pre requisites just to get into College of Pharmacy??? =O?

>> I envy rich people.  They have so much more educational opportunities.

I'm also looking at the PCAT practice book right now and I am like wha?? Looking at all those chemistry terms and HCO compound stuff makes me feel like a dumbo...because I don't even know most of those questions and the cellular terms seem daunting!  I've already forgotten everything I've learned about Chemistry in high school.  I haven't even taken science courses to heart.  So I dunno.  What I do know is that I didn't care much for atoms and nuclear and periodic elements stuff.  But maybe I'm just worrying too much right now since I have not taken any Chemistry or Biology courses this year in college yet.  I hope that this is the problem.  I WILL be trying out by taking Chemistry next year. 

I have been sleeping late a lot like I can't go to bed until around 12am now.  - Bad for your health!  Need beauty sleep too! Lol. *giggles* ...>.> -  My current goal: going to bed before 10:30pm every night at the latest.  It's always nice to wake up every morning to see the sun rising yes? =]  Makes me think of how the birds go to sleep at dusk and then get up just as the sun does...it's only natural!!! Lol...I'm weird...

~

Just finished the Silmarillion today.  Good story!!  It was just as good as the Lord of the Rings trilogy.  I would say more but I don't want to spoil it.

~

My mother just came in a bit earlier while I was typing this and told me "Just go for it!  Don't worry and just think you can do it!"  That got me in so much better mood now.  ^_^  Thanks Mom, for your support!

3:08am: Sudden intrusion of thought . . .

4:04pm: In need of productivity
I just realized how slow I am at reading.  I found this really cool site, http://mindbluff.com/askread.htm#3, which actually calculates how fast you can read.  ..Spiffy.  And it says that I read between 100-150 words per minute, which means I have basic reading ability...whereas the average rate is 200-250 words per minute.  Wow, so that means others could read twice as fast as I could. -_-"

From now on I'll be jamming myself with lots and lots of books.

I read the Silmarillion by JRR Tolkien earlier, and it got pretty interesting when it talked about Beren and Luthien.  I've been anticipating that chapter hehe. ^_^  It's about how a mortal man falls in love with the fairest elven lady.

11:23pm: A happy day for me
Just found out I got a solid A for Economics. Yay.

Just a few seconds ago I decided to check my email, and I noticed my Philosophy teacher just emailed me.....

I wander why she emailed me so quickly..yikes...

and OMG

YES!
She said she checked my HWs and decided to bump my grade up to an A-!!!  But it will take some time since she needs to fill out a form in order to change it.  OMG! YAAAAAAY!  I am sooo happy right now.  Ahhh! Omg. Wow. You don't know how happy I am right now...er no I think you could probably already tell.  I just mailed her my HW yesterday, since she told me I could so she could check.  And I am surprised she got it so fast.  Man I am so glad I solved this problem.

Cheers.

So I was drawing Rini and Pegasus earlier...it's meant to be my poster.  I haven't finished yet though.  I'm still sketching.  I can't wait until I could add the coloring.  Rini and Pegasus is from Sailor Moon...the only show I am obsessed with right now.  So far the Sailor Moon SuperS season is my favorite. ;)  I love the Amazon Trio, they're little cutsies haha.

3:31pm: I just got an email from my Philosophy teacher...
The reason why I ended up with a B+ for Philosophy instead of an A- was because, according to my teacher, I had missing assignments.

I could of sworn I turned in all 16 assignments. She said I scored an 88/100 for hw. All the hw assignments are worth the same.

I just took the last exam in her class so it's over now. I could have gotten an A- if I had 100/100 for hw.

Ahhh **** I swore I turned everything in. ****.

I just counted all the hw I got back that was graded from her and there were 15. So for one of them...Either I did turn it in and she lost it, or I didn't turn it in. I could've sworn I did. ****.  I even wrote down on my paper that I did.  I also have the typed hw in my computer.

I just emailed her and asked what my missing assignments were and am hoping to get a reply.

10:07pm: College Freshman Year
So I took Sociology, Philosophy, and Economics for autumn quarter.  I studied sooo hard all quarter.  I even prayed.  And I got through all the final exams this week, except for USAS, a measly, and in the way of all my other classes, 1 credit hr course, which I'll be taking tomorrow.  I had to take that online and I didn't get to turn in 2 quizzes by the "automatic closing time" which I overslept so I lost a wopping 20 points.  So now I am going to end up with a B...in USAS!  So pathetic.  I am so anxious to see my grades right now.  But my teachers aren't going to post them up until Monday, Monday!, which is 6 days away.  I ended up with a B+ in Philosophy.  I had hoped I had gotten at least an A-.  So I'm pretty upset.  I felt like the grade didn't  really reflect how much I know.  I guess what was at fault was when I should have explained more in my short answers.  My teacher probably took off points for not explaining enough.  I still don't know what I got in Sociology or Economics.  Hopefully I get an A in both...hopefully.  Or else I'm probably not going to get a 3.5 GPA or make it on the Dean's List.  x_x AAH.  I'm so scared.  Please say I get at least a 3.5 GPA.  Please.  I'm praying to God right now too.  Um..don't laugh.  UGH.  All this waiting is torture.  I feel depressed already.

7:34pm: Good and sad movie..
I watched 江山美人情, which was a love triangle between a woman and two men. It was so sad I cried until my eyes were puffed.  But I wish there was an English subtitle so that I could understand more on what they're saying.  It still seemed like a good movie though.  The woman's husband, Li Yu is very good looking.

I went out with my friend to a restaurant today to help her with her homework.  She needed help writing a paper based on a book about global warming.  I tried explaining to her about the book and I was surprised when she said that I am a good explainer, because I always thought that I wasn't.  =)  A boy sitting at a table in front of us kept turning back to look at me.  I  didn't look back and pretend not to notice. 

8:27pm: Random rant
I spent almost all day learning how to play the violin, and then my older brother, who just got home later in the day comes in and tells me that I should not be skipping ahead in the practice book (which he automatically assumes when I haven't, in fact, been skipping..I went carefully through every page), not just playing random songs. I said I haven't been skipping and he's like "OK if you know it then let me see you play". So I started playing a melody and before I could even finish the first line of notes he's like, "Stop, stop, stop, you are playing it wrong...you need to hold the violin like THIS." Well that was not how the book taught it mister. Then he goes on lecturing me again saying nooo this, nooo that, you lack discipline, blah blah blah. It's so annoying!

10:15am: New name...
I am currently trying to figure out what kind of nickname I should have. So far I've only come up with Ashlyn, which doesn't sound too bad. I kind of like it and I think it suits me. Except Dad doesn't like it. So I guess I'll be doing some more research on names.

I really love my new hairstyle right now. Got a haircut at the salon a month ago and now that it's kind of grown out it actually looks good when it's volumized.

Nowadays I've been having older men staring at me or kind of hitting on me and it's kind of weird. Why do older men go after someone way younger than them anyways? There was this one guy who was really handsome at least that was checking me out, but I still think it's weird. O=

10:25pm: Finished Dirge of Cerburus
That was a good game. I watched the whole thing at a website called Video Games Heaven. I was awed by the ending as I watched the lifestream come sprinkling down against the star scattered sky. Cloud, Tifa, Yuffie, Cid, Barrett, and Shelke were all standing together and watching. And as I merged into it, I was a part of it, like an escapee from reality to a place keeper of hope and reassurance.

7:15pm: Love yourself
You must love yourself first. You don't need to have other people like you to be assured that you are good enough. You don't need to be good enough for anybody but yourself. I find that it doesn't matter if people say anything about me or not I know myself and I must believe that I am beautiful the way I am. I don't need to rely on other's comments in order to feel worthy. Comments are not what makes you prettier, because you already are to begin with if you believe in yourself.

3:57pm: Summer
Well, it's been a long time since I've posted here. Summer is here and no more Speech! It wasn't too bad....I survived.

Let's see, I've been reading a lot since summer started. Just finished The Last Command by Timothy Zahn and it was good. I've been putting aside the book for a long while now and thought I'd finish it.

I'll be flying over to California next month to visit my niece. Pretty exciting since I've never been there before. And a bit scary since it will be my first flight and my parents won't be there with me. So I'll have to get stuck sitting with strangers I don't even know. And also having the paranoia of getting kidnapped or something.

But, I'll be looking forward to it nonetheless. Will be quite an experience for someone who has never gotten out of the house.

5:06pm: Career Personaliy Quiz
You would be very happy in a career that utilised your level-headedness, and allowed you to work mainly on your own. You want a career that allows you to be creative, without having to be involved with lots of people. Some careers that would be perfect for you are:

* Artist
* Historian
* Banker
* Novelist
* University Professor
* Photographer
* Vet
* Paralegal
* Graphic Designer
* Online Content Developer
* Webmaster
* Producer
* Managing Director
* Nutritionist
* Advertising
* Nursing

You like working and being alone. You like to avoid attention at all costs. You tend to keep to yourself, and not interact much with the people around you. You enjoy spending time with a few a close friends. You like to listen to others, but don't like sharing much about yourself. You are very quiet and private.

You are very practical, and only act after thinking things through. You don't like being forced to answer quickly. You have to evaluate the situation completely. You make decisions based on what you can verify with your senses.

You like to be deeply involved in one or two special projects. You like to be behind the scenes. You are very logical and fair. You feel you should be honest with others and protect their feelings.

You trust your gut instincts. You are easily inspired and trust that inspiration. You are very innovative. You analyse things by looking at the big picture. You are concerned about how what you do affects others. You worry about your actions and the future. You tend to use a lot of metaphors and are very descriptive and colourful in your choice of language.

You are very creative, and get bored easily if you don't get to express yourself. You like to learn new things. You don�t like the same old routine. You like to leave your options open.

10:14pm: Personality Test

My Personality

Neuroticism	46
Extraversion	8
Openness To Experience	29
Agreeableness	31
Conscientiousness	46

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